December 2006 Horror-scopes

Curious about what's in store for you over the next month? Check out the horoscopes provided below to get a better "feeling" about the days and weeks ahead. ~ Jonna Smith

Aries (March 21 - April 19) Fudge, candy canes, sugar cookies - oh my! This will be a sweet month for you. Yes, your dentist will love you in the new year!

Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Try not to attract attention today. This might be a good time to learn the art of disguise. How else would you sneak a peek under the tree?

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) The photo albums have been brought out and mom is already telling stories. You are shifting from fidgeting to twiddling... Look, your eye is doing it already.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22) This month you’ll be ready to embark on an adventure, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything...even that fruitcake… Anyone know how old it really is? Oh - the pain. Make sure you buy extra-soft TP this month!

Leo (July 23 - August 22) Your home has become the gathering spot for friends, family, neighbors, and a few stragglers you don’t recognize. Hey, isn’t that that naked photographer guy standing by the punchbowl?

Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Money is tight this month due to the holidays, but somehow you will prevail. You know, grandma is always good for some green.

Libra (September 23 - October 22) Wanna feel like a kid again? Try skipping through the store or push the cart really really fast and then jump on. Oh crap - oh no! What are you going to do to stop before you crash into that display? Yep - this brings on a whole new meaning to candy "cane"!

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Did you forget that gift for a beloved family member? No worries, just give 'em that pressie you got from your secret Santa at school - you know - the one you don't like... And look - you still have the wrapping!

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Just for old times sake, go and sit on Santa’s lap this month. Just make sure that the chubby old man you sit on is really Santa and not your Uncle Ernie at Christmas dinner. Um - ew!

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Don’t worry about receiving the perfect gift this Christmas. Just remember, everything is returnable the day after...although I am not sure how that really works with online dating subscriptions...

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Start a new cycle for self-expression, leadership, honor and glory...yes - yes - yes...you NEED that new handheld PDA gadget thingy. There is nothing wrong with buying yourself a present dangit!

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Take pleasure in a new experience. Personal relations get better now...with a new year comes a new love. Yea - you wish.